This post is to remember my second pregnancy that was lost. Miscarriage is indeed a tough one. Somehow I hope my story and realizations can encourage other mommies in voicing out their emotions and not to feel alone in facing a journey like this on motherhood.
April 15-16 – Though it’s a week prior my expected menstrual date, I did a pregnancy test twice since I’ve been feeling exhausted lately. The results I got were both a faint positive line.
April 22 – My period should start by this date. April 25-26 – Did twice pregnancy test and this time, I got solid positive lines on both. Somehow I had a gut feeling since then that I’m pregnant. Another unexpected blessing. Feeling joyous, we even mentioned the news to our families.
April 30 – 5th week of pregnancy. Had my first check up and ultrasound done. All normal results, gestational sac was found but no yolk sac or embryonic pole seen yet since it’s a bit early. I was advised to return on May 15 for second ultrasound, by that time I’ll be on my 7th week and they can confirm my pregnancy viability.
May 1 – Usual weekend, cleaned our house, did some chores. May 2 – Some chores again but more time for rest. I felt some pain on my right abdomen up to lower thigh and back. Thought it’s just a usual muscle ache or cramps. May 3 – 6th week of pregnancy. Woke up with a brownish discharge. It went to a reddish brown discharge after lunch time. I informed my doctor about it. Note: Graphic content/bloody photos below and others may find it disturbing.
May 4 – Discharge looks like a menstrual bleeding. Even turned into a bright red blood after lunch time, more blood clots were also noticed. I finally got a response from the clinic that I can have this check-up. Found out that my gestational sac was located in the lower uterine cavity already, cervix is open and my body will expel the sac anytime soon. I searched it online, it’s more like an “Inevitable Miscarriage”. I’m undecided and in denial, so my doctor prescribed Duvadilan and Duphaston, no guarantees but still we tried if it can be saved. If a meat like material will come out, I need to go back for an emergency check up.
May 5 – Lighter bleeding but blood clots still present. Before lunch time, I had to take more breaks from my work at home and lie down to relax my cramping lower back and stomach. I took a bath in the afternoon and I accidentally just pulled a unique looking discharge, I think it’s already the gestational sac. On the same day, we confirmed that the second pregnancy has now lead to a miscarriage. No D&C procedure for me or known as “raspa” here in Philippines. I just need to take antibiotics to clear out minimal residues inside.
Realizations? -Miscarriage if already in process, most of the time cannot be avoided. Most mothers/parents feel guilty but it’s no ones fault. -Miscarriage felt like you’re in a menstrual cramping. -It’s stressful in all aspects, I couldn’t sleep well, trying my best to function but it’s so bothering. -If you’re a breastfeeding mom and got pregnant, most likely you have to wean your baby/toddler. Breastfeeding releases a hormone called “oxytocin” which is a factor for preterm labor. -It makes you experience all kinds of emotions, that I even as of this writing is trying my best to just deal with it. -Helpful for mommies to read online posts about what to do after miscarriage. I also got into reading some short inspirational posts.
Sending virtual hugs to all mommies experiencing and have been on this kind of journey. It was a loss, but we have much more blessings in life to be thankful for. If God has other plans for us then just trust and wait. We are all stronger than we think and we got this. ❤ Happy Mother’s Day.. everyday.
Kaja let's go! 